Fall down 7 times, get up 8
Monday, February 15th, 2010I love that expression–fall down 7 times, get up 8. It sums up what life is like, and how to react. Lately I seemed to be mired in miscues, miscommunications, mistakes and more. What the heck, maybe writing about it will help me get up from the latest fall!
First the “toos”:
Too busy–I have been too busy working to take care of myself. Yesterday I finally got my hair down after they had to photoshop the roots out at work when they took my picture!
Too tired–I have still been going to the gym, but have just been going through the motions. I zone out on the bike, reading gossip mags to figure out what Brad and Angelina are up to now. I feel better after a good work out, but it has seemed like so much effort.
Too stressed–our census at both hospitals where I work has been in the “red zone”, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to take care of patients! I have been harried by the long days, the complexities and dealing with the other doctors that are just as stressed by the high volumes. Hubby’s lack of work adds to the story too!
Too negative–the root of much of my problem. I am trying desperately to shed this cloak of negativity I have been wearing since Hubby lost his job, but it’s been tough. For those who don’t know about the cloak of negativity, it’s like Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility, with out the fun factor and much harder to take off.
And the most damaging –the “lacks”
The biggest: lack of faith in myself. I have constantly questioned everything I do, filling my head with “I should haves” and “why didn’t I?” which of course allows that inner voice of criticism to get louder. “You’re not smart enough/a good enough doctor/communicator/wife/human (etc.!)”
Argh.
It all seems so grim. But this time in my life, I realize, is not a permanent reality. I can’t take everything personally and let it become pervasive. So I will dust myself off, and get up again. Thanks for listening.
